WHOSE LOSS

Thankfully, this rather grim, out of character (for me) tale is an AU. We would not wish it to be otherwise.

            They were some of the strangest-looking aliens that Smith had ever seen. Short, with ugly, sharp teeth, and the backs of their heads resembling human butts. Hiding from them in the bushes, Smith listened eagerly to their boasting about having acquired great quantities of "gold-pressed latinum" and "jevonite," whatever those were. Gradually, Smith obtained the occasion to actually see the strange creatures holding up examples of their precious booty. The jevonite was a disappointingly plain, ugly brown mineral, but the gold-pressed latinum was a glittery, flashy substance, and Smith craved chunks of it for himself. Finally, he picked up the fact that the aliens called themselves "Ferengi," and that they had recently pillaged "Cardassian" worlds, whatever those were, for these items. Smith resolved to sneak back here at night, when the Ferengi would hopefully be asleep, to pilfer whatever he could of their treasure.

            Upon returning to the Jupiter II, Smith gathered that he had missed some sort of boisterous celebration. Sure enough, upon seeing him, Mrs. Robinson declared, "Oh, Dr. Smith, you missed Judy's and Don's big announcement: they are getting married!"

            Smith's eyes popped, as he stared from one to the other of the happy couple, and then from one family member to another. "Seriously? What brought this on?"

            West eyed him, and stated, "Really, Smith, it can't be that much of a surprise. I think that everyone has been aware that this special event would come eventually. We clearly love each other. And after all, we are on a mission of colonization, and how can one found a colony without offspring?"

            From her expression, he saw that Judy's enthusiasm was equal to the major's. She said with a huge smile, "And we're not getting any younger."

            Smith shook his head. "But, you're supposed to colonize Alpha Centauri, not this dreary, unknown planet."

            Robinson frowned. "Well, Smith, count on you to point out the one bit of letdown in an otherwise joyous occasion: presumably, we'll get there. But that does not mean that they can't go ahead and start their family now, if they so choose."

            Smith would not be swayed. "But, Judy, dear girl, and a sweet, tender-hearted girl that you are: are you sure that you want to be hooked up with this ill-tempered ruffian??"

            "Smith!" West was obviously beginning to lose his temper.

            Eyeing the major meaningfully, Smith commented, "I rest my case."

            "Smith! I ought to...!" West moved toward the older man.

            "No, Don," Robinson urged. "Don't make his point for him."

            Smith stared, smug and amused, at the professor's meaning, of the major's behavior having underlined the validity of Smith's point.

            Both younger men glared ruefully at Smith, until Maureen dispelled the brief awkwardness with the reminder, "Come on, now, this is a celebration!"

            After a dreary day of enduring the celebration of what Smith regarded as anything but, he sneaked out at night to return to try to plunder the Ferengi plunder. Sure enough, the odd little trolls were sleeping. Smith hastily but quietly filled the bag that he had brought with the gold-pressed latinum, and then briefly contemplated the unattractive jevonite. He studied it soundlessly, correctly gauging the Ferengis' large, misshapen ears to be highly sensitive to the least noise, and finally decided that, since these strange creatures regarded the ugly mineral as valuable, he might as well avail himself of some of it. Now, rather heavily-burdened, Smith staggered back to the Jupiter II.

            Two days later, a far more formidable-looking group of aliens arrived at the spaceship to confront the Robinson party. These were as tall as the humans and clearly reptilian.

            "I am Gul Lenar of the Cardassian Union," said the evident leader of the group. He was incomprehensively targeting Smith with his words. "I believe that you have something that belongs to us."

            "Certainly not," Smith denied. "I've never seen you people before in my life."

            The Robinsons and Major West were already staring suspiciously at Smith, seeing a familiar pattern emerging.

            The gul continued, "I am not saying that you robbed us directly, but indirectly. You possess the stolen jevonite and latinum that the Ferengi took from us. Do you deny it?"

            "Yes, I do, and most strenuously!"

            "According to my tricorder, you have recently handled both substances. Further, we traced our stolen items here to your campsite."

            "I don't know what you're talking about."

            "Smith!" West warned.

            "If you have his property, give it to him," Robinson ordered.

            "I don't."

            Gul Lenar continued, "Perhaps I should tell you of what happened to the Ferengi who made off with our property originally. We have just come from their campsite. None of them remain alive, and I assure you, they did not die quickly or comfortably. And we killed their daimon last...and worst."

            Now, Smith appeared rattled. "Now, look here...."

            "Enough." The Cardassian gul moved closer to him.

            "All right!" Smith surrendered in fright. "Your...possessions are hidden. Behind that rock." He pointed.

            Robinson and West exchanged a look of rueful disgust.

            At a gesture from their leader, one of the Cardassian soldiers retrieved the bag.

            Gul Lenar drew his disruptor and aimed at Smith.

            "Now wait!!" Smith raised his hands.

            "You cannot trifle with us with impunity. We will not harm your innocent companions, but your life will pay the price of inconveniencing us."

            Even as Gul Lenar fired, Smith deliberately dropped to the ground, amazingly fast for someone of his age. The disruptor bolt struck the target standing immediately behind him...Judy Robinson. She dissolved in a flash.

            After expressing sincere regret at the destruction of one so obviously lovely and innocent, including an incomprehensible comment that the one destroyed was so reminiscent of the "Bajoran women," whatever those were, the Cardassians beamed away to their orbiting ship.

            Utterly bereft and enraged, Robinson and West turned on Smith. Completely devastated, Maureen, Penny, and Will withdrew, clung to each other, and paid no heed to the cries and pleas of a terrified and increasingly badly-hurt Smith.

            Perhaps Robinson and West did not mean to go too far. Or, perhaps they, in fact, did. But as they concluded their grisly task of mercilessly beating Smith, he lay dead at their feet.

            Now down two of their members, the travelers barely spoke to or looked at one another for an extended time.

            Two weeks later, Penny and Will were sitting despondently, dangling ignored fishing lines into the nearby stream.

            Will remarked, "Well, this is definitely a case of a tiny good thing coming from an unspeakably bad thing."

            "What are you talking about?" Penny mumbled, barely caring whether her brother would answer her or not.

            "Well, remember when we used to talk about how you and I would never find anyone to marry, no matter how old we get? I mean, since we're not going back to Earth."

            "So? What of it??"

            "Well, now you have someone. I still don't, but you do."

            "Will, you're not making any sense!"

            "You and Don, of course."

            "Are you out of your mind?!"

            "Well, it's obvious, isn't it? I mean, you're too young to get married, but in four years, you'll be eighteen, and...."

            "William Robinson, wash your mouth out with soap!!"

            "Hey, take it easy! Look, we're still on a mission of colonization, and you're the only one left who can...."

            Penny did something that she had never before done with her brother: she slapped him. "You are just plain sick!!"

            "No, I'm practical. I admit, he's a bit too old for you, but as you grow up, that'll matter less. Besides, we all love Don. You do, don't you??"

            "Yes, as a potential brother-in-law! But not...!"

            "Yeah, but you know that's not going to happen now."

            "Oh, Will, I hate you!!!" Penny dropped her fishing pole and fled.

            Penny went crying to Maureen. She told her mother what her callous brother had said.

            Maureen held her daughter and rocked her as she had not done in years, as Penny wept and wailed into her shoulder.

            At last, Maureen said softly, "Darling, I'll admit that Will was thoughtless and blunt and rude, as boys can be. But I suppose that it's a logical outcome to think of, from a purely pragmatic standpoint."

            "Mom! Is that what you want???"

            "No. No, I wanted what we had, what was planned."

            "Mom, I'm scared!!! I'm not ready...! I don't think I ever will be...!!"

            "Now, Darling...."

            "Mom, I had grown to accept that I would never marry! That I would be a spinster aunt to nieces and nephews! I've become comfortable with that future!"

            "But given time...."

            "No! Mom, I've never told you this, because it never seemed to matter before! Mom, I'm scared of sex! I don't want him to hurt me! And I'm even more scared of having a baby; I don't want to be torn apart! Mom!! I can't!! I won't!!! And besides, I don't want to be a consolation prize!! Mom, tell me I don't have to!!! Help me!!! Say you'll protect me!!!"

            Meanwhile, John and Don were trying to work at the drill site, but their minds just weren't on their task. Finally, they dropped to the ground and just sat there.

            "My heart's just not in it," John muttered.

            "Yeah. So much for our colony. Anywhere. Why bother," Don lamented.

            John was clearly struggling with something. But he couldn't bring himself to speak. He kept sighing instead. Don eyed him. He had a feeling that he might guess what John was tussling with, but he wasn't about to be the one to raise the issue.

            At length, John mumbled reluctantly, "Well, there is one way, only one way, in which our colony might yet succeed."

            Don turned and looked at John, but still refused to speak.

            John hesitantly murmured, "Penny."

            Don looked away from him, before he could say, "I...thought of that. But...." He couldn't look his friend in the eye, at such an uncomfortable topic.

            John said consolingly, "Of course you did. And just as understandably, you didn't feel that you could be the one to raise the very awkward subject. As her father, that's my job. And maybe you felt that the very idea might make me angry, given Penny's young age, and given the tragic misery of the loss of her sister. But, Don, I'm not angry. And, like you, I'd like to salvage something out of this horrendous and pointless tragedy. But I must ask you: can you love Penny? In time? As anything more than as a child that you adored?"

            Don sighed heavily, and replied, "In time."

            Hours later, John and Maureen both said to each other, "I need to talk to you."

            Their conversation did not go well.

            And then, Don and Will had to wonder just what it was that John and Maureen were fighting about, as well as why Penny was fretting worse than ever, and crying alone so much of the time.

            The situation worsened when John tried to get Penny to take a walk with him, just the two of them, and she instead fled to her mother, hysterical. Which was as nothing when Don invited Penny to share a walk with him, just the two of them, in the moonlight. Penny beat her previous scream by tens of decibels, and ran to Maureen once again in hysteria.

            Gradually, the colonists became two emotionally-armed camps, sharply divided by gender lines.

            Finally, John decided that it was time to tell Don what he and Maureen had quarreled about, and exactly what was wrong with Penny. But he knew that it would be the single most awkward, uncomfortable conversation that he had ever had in his life.

            John Robinson stammered and struggled his way through the basic facts as Maureen had explained them to him.

            Don West replied, "John, you know I would never hurt her!"

            "Not on purpose, I'm sure. But it is a normal fear for an innocent young girl to have. I remember when Maureen and I first.... Never mind. The point is, the first time for a girl can be...difficult."

            "Okay, but that's only the first time."

            "Yeah, but the first time is what she's facing. And she doesn't want to. She wants to avoid the first time."

            "Well, she can't just jump over it to the second time."

            "No. But Don, that's all she's thinking about, what she'd be facing. Look, she's young yet. She's only fourteen."

            "Yeah. I know. Four more years. Seems awfully long."

            "But to her, it doesn't seem nearly long enough."

            Now Don sighed heavily.

            Several months later, John tapped at Penny's door at bedtime, and let himself into her room. To his dismay, she watched him warily from her place in bed. Forcing a smile, he sat down on the edge of her bed.

            "Sweetheart, I have a question for you. Remember how you used to feel when Don and Will and I would go off in the chariot, and leave the rest of you behind here at the ship?"

            "I used to be jealous," she responded noncommittally.

            "Sure. You wondered why you couldn't go along, too. And remember that I used to say, maybe next time, Honey." He cocked an eyebrow at her. "It's next time."

            Penny was not impressed. "I felt that way when I was a tomboy. I'm not a tomboy anymore."

            "No. You're a lovely young lady."

            She was not persuaded. "Dad. I'm not a woman. I suppose I'm somewhere in-between."

            "Of course you are. And that's as it should be."

            "So now, I'm supposed to be alone with you and Don and Will, so that you can all three work on me to become something that I don't want to be."

            "No. Will's not going."

            Penny blinked at him.

            "I don't want you to feel ganged-up-on. I'm aware that he really...put his foot in it...with you not long ago. I'm not going to risk his doing it again, and making you uncomfortable."

            "So instead, you and Don are going to make me feel even more uncomfortable, and do it far more expertly."

            "Penny!" John was disappointed in her, and it showed. After a moment, he asked, "Darling, do you trust me?"

            She nodded, but without much enthusiasm.

            "Do you think I would ever let anyone hurt you?"

            She shook her head, but only slightly.

            "Sweetheart, Don's not going to hurt you. And he wouldn't even if I weren't there, but I will be there."

            "Then what is this for?" Penny seemed near tears.

            "We've got to get you used to Don and me again. Things have been awkward for too long."

            "Well, what are we going for? Do we have a mission? You guys used to always have one, when you went."

            "We're going to do some exploring. But mainly, we're just going to have a good time. Good, innocent fun. That's all."

            "Well, can't Mom come along??"

            John looked at her skeptically. "And leave Will and the Robot here alone, to guard the ship by themselves?"

            "I guess not," she admitted.

            "Okay. Good. Then we'll leave tomorrow morning. Don't worry, Honey, uh? Everything will be fine."

            But after John left her cabin, he quietly told Don, "I'll swear, Don, she looked at me the way that Smith used to look at you and me."

            Don interpreted, "Terrified of us."

            "Yeah," John admitted sadly. "She's going to be very skittish. We'll have to be very careful about everything that we say and do."

            The ride in the chariot the next day was nerve-wracking for all concerned. On the rare occasion that either John or Don actually spoke, Penny made no return comment, and she initiated no conversation herself.

            When at last John brought the chariot to a stop, Don jumped out and automatically reached to help Penny to emerge. She eyed him with barely-concealed fright as he took her carefully under her arms to lift her down from the chariot. John followed her out, and he saw Don's resulting uneasy expression. The awkwardness was palpable.

            John took Penny gently by the shoulders from behind, and said, "Honey, what do you think is going to happen here??"

            She answered dully, almost as if resigned to the inevitable, "You could force me. I couldn't stop you, couldn't even slow you down. That's the real reason why you wouldn't bring Mom along, isn't it?? So she couldn't help me. And you didn't bring Will, because you didn't want him to see what you're going to do to me. You're going to break me in, aren't you?? Like a horse???" she demanded bitterly.

            He turned her to face him. "You don't honestly believe that?! That I would...?! Penny, I'm your father!"

            She seemed uncertain. "Well, no. But you might...hold me for him."

            Don protested, "Now, Penny, listen! I'm not some...!"

            John cut him off, "Penny, I won't lie to you. I truly hope that, at some time in the future, you'll choose Don, love him, want him. But forcing you would not be the way to accomplish that! It would cause the opposite! And in the meantime, I'm not going to do one thing to hurt you, or jeopardize that possible future! And Don won't, either!"

            "Really???" She clearly wanted to believe that. She eyed Don over her shoulder.

            "Really!" Don insisted earnestly.

            John leaned closer to her and declared, "Believe me, Penny, we wouldn't even want something to happen between you two now; you're only fourteen, for god sake! We just want to help you to get comfortable in our presence again! That's all that this trip is for!"

            Penny seemed to conditionally accept his words, and she sat quietly, while John and Don built a cozy fire for the night.

            As the three sat around it later, after nightfall, Penny felt compelled to add, "As I also told Mom, I don't like being the consolation prize. This should be Judy. She should still be here."

            "Honey, believe me," John stated fervently, "we'd like nothing better than to have things back to the way they were. We miss her terribly! Everyone does!"

            Don was quick to add, "Penny, I loved your sister very much, and would've given anything to save her! But please don't call yourself a mere 'consolation prize.' I am very sure that I will be able to love you, too; and I'll do everything I can to make you very happy one day."

            She nodded slightly, but went on, "Still, you two could've prevented what happened to her."

            Both men regarded her in wordless shock.

            Bitterness entered Penny's tone. "You two could've killed Smith sooner! And then Judy would still be here! You both threatened him so many times, but you never did anything to him. The time that he got Will turned into a cyborg was an ideal time for you to really let him have it! Maybe if you had, he would've been more timid about causing trouble after that. Or if you had killed him right then, he couldn't've gotten tangled up with those dangerous Cardassians, and gotten Judy killed!!" She began to cry.

            "Oh, Penny!" John was thunderstruck

            Don was angry, and trying not to be. "The rest of you didn't want us to hurt Smith! You were always trying to stop us, to protect him!"

            "That wasn't me. That was Mom and Judy. And Will, I guess."

            John said, "But all right! As you said, that was Judy! She didn't want us to hurt him!"

            "And look where it got her!"

            Don snapped, "If you think I don't look back every day, and wish that we'd clobbered him a thousand times, and killed him much sooner, you're sadly mistaken!"

            John held up a hand. "Let's all calm down. Penny, we blame ourselves, Don and I do, don't worry. And if you blame us, too, we understand. But the question now is: are we going to live the rest of our lives with only bitterness and resentment over what we can't change, or are we going to somehow forgive each other and move forward? What kind of future do we want to have??"

            They could tell that Penny seriously contemplated their words. She sat thoughtfully, pensively, and eyed both of them with more acceptance, and less distrust.

            When the three of them climbed a ridge the next day, she didn't cringe away from their touch when they helped her over the steepest places.

            And this time, when Don reached to help Penny down from the chariot, she did not flinch at his touch, she willingly met his eyes with hers, perhaps even with a bit of wonder in her own eyes, and she even lingered in his arms for a moment after he had set her on the ground. His eyes returned her look of wonder, and from behind Penny, John saw and smiled with relief.